Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
