Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They took my balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
