hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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