I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
