There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
