a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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