she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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