she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
