His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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