My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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