By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize