Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
