i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
