I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
