Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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