you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found the puke drawer
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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