the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
