There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
