so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
