Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
