It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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