I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
