Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
