I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I looked at my own cervix.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
