Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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