We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
