So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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