Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
