im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
