Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this hospital has no fireball
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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