you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
