if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Houston, we have a squirter
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
