Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize