i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
