I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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