Moan for me like Helen Keller
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
