we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
