Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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