hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
