How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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