I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
