can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
