You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
