You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my sisters under your porch take her home
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize