I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
