Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
