If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
