So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
