you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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