The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
