C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize