your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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