I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
