Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
