Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need to align my fucking chakras
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
