when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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