Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
