Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
