i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
