nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize