I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
