Im at strip club and am horny
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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