I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
