no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
