I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
