her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am spending my child support on dildos
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
