Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
