I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
being pregnant is like rehab
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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