Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
