I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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