Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
