I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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