You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize