I am puke
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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