i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
