I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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