quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
