I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
