True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
