she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
