If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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