I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
