ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
