Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
