you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
