You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I touched a dick in church today
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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