I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
