I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
