does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
