Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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