i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
