His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
