I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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