He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
