Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
