we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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