Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize