She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
