I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
