he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
