he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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