there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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