if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
