My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
