wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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